It’s because you went away without a trace April 10, 2012
Posted by Tala Chan in emo.Tags: just me
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Somewhere between silence and sorrow is the never-ending question of “What, where, when, why and how?” that until now it confuses me to the core. I simply cannot point the origin of where , when, or what has started this awkward silence that leads to the sudden disappearance. And that series of questions ends to the questions, why and how.
That until now, i still can’t think of words, until the person itself vanishes in the thin air.
Without a trace.
Without explaining things.
…
It hurts so much not to hear your voice, or to receive messages from you via sms or online chatrooms, that you managed to make yourself offline while i happened to be just signed in for today, ignoring me from these past few days makes me think of what i did against you, or did i really did something wrong to you?
Pls tell me what is wrong.
For it hurts so much not to have you near me…
That your silence is so deafening that it slowly kills me…
Of selfishness and desires March 21, 2012
Posted by Tala Chan in love talks, thoughts.Tags: nuninu
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More than a year ago, after that decision to let go is the best I had in my life. I prayed to God not to let me go along the way and to guide me despite the complexities I experienced while I’m still working at home while looking at a more stable job. And that’s when I realized that He’s always there…
Now my everyday prayer consist of prayers for my work, for my family and friends and for a happy peaceful life. If life problems harbored along the way, I pray that I could find a way to get through this.
But now It’s unusual for me to be a selfish spoiled brat once more.
As much as I don’t wanna entertain anymore guys who passed along, there’s this person who, despite the conflicting busy schedules that we had and the distance between us, he managed to stay with me. This person, who’ve I’ve met way before I had a boyfriend managed to keep calm and waited for me. I realized (just now) that he’s been waiting for me all my life, who is willing to accept my past mistakes and yes, to love me as I am.
As much as I want to go back to when it has all been started, it’s _ years too late. It’s a good thing though that I still remember all those precious memories I had with him. The first day in classes, the acquaintance to each other, the time where we process our school papers as we shift to our respective courses, the UAAP cheerdance, the graduation rites and the moments where I could drop by to the school just to meet some of my classmates in our classes and to drop by to our university’s law school just to talk to him, the time where before I went to St. Jude for my weekly novena, I could drop by to my alma mater’s school gates just to see him having a cigarette with one of his classmates. It’s crazy for me to “stalk” someone at school, until he told me that he transferred law school. Indeed, sadness has enveloped me at I heard that, but somehow, we still managed to have an open communication despite that.
It is then that I just realized that he has told me many times that he’s been in love with me ever since, but I keep on ignoring him. I felt sorry for being insensitive, and for being a dumb being that I was…and at the same time there’s this aching feel in my heart that makes me want to cry.
I can’t help but to think of all the questions I want to ask but my heart aches for something…
Then I want to have something for myself, and now asking God to have this person and to make up for the lost time we had lost…
Now I want him for everything…so help me God.
It started with the kiss ♥ March 17, 2012
Posted by Tala Chan in love talks, thoughts.Tags: chocnut, kiss, love
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It is when you realized that after that fated kiss, you’re craving for more of it.
Such sweet, calming, loving, plentiful kiss. No such beautiful adjectives can describe the feeling of being kissed, especially if it comes from someone you cherished the most. That no other kiss can topped that kiss from the person whom you realized that you’re really are in love with it.
For me, it was not rushed, it’s not even the friendly type of way. It’s not even lustful that leads to sex. it was simple, and loving that makes you want for more. It is the mix of tender longing that makes me feel that I’m very much at ease with that person and to the things surrounding me. Also, it was like a fireworks that lit the sky that unleashes the beauty of flashing lights that lits the sky, while having your own comfort food. Gastronomic, delicious, sinful and at the same time it was guilt free.
It was home. It was joyous comfort. It was magic.
It was heaven on earth.
And it was love. ♥
March is love ♥ March 2, 2012
Posted by Tala Chan in thoughts.Tags: chocnut
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I can’t help but be thankful for this summer month. March surely indicates the start of beach hopping and all that, but apart from those it’s a month of blessings that has showered to me… from my current work right now to my personal life… I can’t ask for more. ♥
It is a turning point in my life when I realized that there’s something that’s keeps on waiting for me…an inevitable force that unknowingly waiting for my arrival for five long years (and counting) that I’d just realized just now.
Well let’s wait and see where this could lead me to…
Been a fan of Chocnut for so many years, but then I realized that he's been loving me back ♥
(Yet) another lesson on thesis defense February 27, 2012
Posted by Tala Chan in emo, thoughts.Tags: defense, thesis, ue
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My Alma mater invited me again to be one of the panelist for the thesisdefense yesterday, and that day’s defense has left me on a sudden realization to many things…
All because I failed a group of students in the said class.
The thesis itself was a total mess. The document was full of grammatical errors, mispellings, image misplacements and lacks important information on their proposed project. Even their proposed system was lacking yet important details that they can’t even utter a word to defend their project…
And sad to say, I gave them a failing grade…and me along with my fellow panelist fave a failing grade also because of the poor standing.
I must say that it is a deserving grade to them but I can’t help but to feel sad for them for they are now graduating students. But hey, I’m just doing my job! And a good friend of mine told me that to pass a poor student who always rely on the good, intelligent ones is like spoiling them to be a bad kid as they grow up. Another one told me that to pass a negligent student is like passing a student who can be a bad example to our society.
Really makes sense. To fail a student is heartbreaking and stressful for me. But at the end of the day after hearing such words from my close friends, it makes me at ease.
After that failed group, somehow I can see myself in them, on how they had failed in so many places. On my part, I recalled the times that I failed miserably in my love life and at work, on how I can cope up with my past mistakes, to reflect on them and to how can I face the world again and back to square one. It is heartbreaking and of course it makes you think that you wanna give up – but it is actually a chance to realize your weakest points and to see what needs to improve, to eliminate, to add and to fix…so that on your second try, you’ll know how to face them with your head up high, and you already know how to succeed on your next try. This process may make time, but a day or two of silent recollection is a big help to help you think of everything that needs to done.
Going back to the university means everything to me. I can’t thank them enough for the things that they had taught me, for I had applied (almost) everything to my chosen field. Though when it comes to the thesis defense, I know in my heart that did well (and also my co-thesis mates), that’s why this is my way of thanking them by giving back all what I’ve learned from them, by helping students to be a role model for all.
